No doubt many of you have seen this little picture, or something very similar, out and about in the "webmosphere"
It has occurred to me during these last few days that that's me, in the boat treading water, and sadly that's where I've been stuck for the last three months.
Every night I tell myself: tomorrow you'll break up with the couch, and start taking steps to live your dreams, and if nothing else be kind to yourself and live each day doing what you love.
The question must then be asked: do I not love myself?
Do I not love and cherish myself enough to spend time on me? To nourish my body with healthy, nutritious food? To move my body as it was designed to do? To write a business plan for my dream cafe and food store?
The answer is yes, but I got a bit lost along the way. I've been living in a space of fear.
What do I mean by this? Well I'm still not entirely sure myself, the first time I heard someone tell me this it went straight over my head: "what is this airy-fairy nonsense"?
"Be open, Be true to self, Be expressive, Be venerable…if not you will constantly be living in a space of fear, lacking and limitations.. Don’t let that annoying voice or anybody else dictate your life journey"
Am I scared that I will be unhealthy and living at reduced capacity for the rest of my life? You betcha.
Am I scared that we're living from one single income to the next? Sure I am.
Am I scared that my business will fail? Hell yes!
Am I more afraid that if I don't follow my dreams, give my body the best chance it has I'll live out the rest of my days with regret and resentment? Boom! Hit the nail on the head.
Do I appreciate the fact that we have a new life in a new country, in a great little town, my husband loves his job, we have a roof over our heads and food on our table and great new friends in the making? Yes, but I don't acknowledge this everyday as I should.
So why then have I been a slave to the TV for this last three months? I don't know.... I honestly cannot put words to it. My husband asked me last night what he can do to help. I told him nothing, this new world of being stuck in procrastinating cycles is mine to figure out.
I do know this cycle needs to be broken. Lethargy creates lethargy, laziness breeds laziness. I need to create my own energy to breed more boundless energy.
I came off the pill in mid-July and I think my body has been super confused. My weight has been all over the place. My skin went mental. It is also probably a contributing factor to my mood and lack of energy. The fluctuating weight has definitely been upsetting me. (see follow-up results blog)
I was also trying to come off my acid-inhibitors (for hiatus hernia induced reflux) but unfortunately out of nowhere my symptoms became so severe that taking my normal daily tablet no longer sufficed. I have since changed medications to an alternative "main ingredient" and it seems to have settled things down. I can only assume that my fluctuating weight has caused this upset.
My absolute goal is to be chemical free, I'm already off the pill and I'd love to come off my acid-inhibitors and no longer require ibuprofen for my pain management (however it is A LOT less than my past reliance on it daily). During some recent research I have discovered that both medications are highly linked to leaky gut syndrome. Something I've been aware of through friends and loved ones (pretty sure Simon has this to a small degree) and would hate to think that I had it without even realising it, just from taking medications I needed.
On a positive note though;
My payroll consulting has paid off. I travelled to London to co-host the first Australian Payroll training session. It was a great success and Tim (boss man) thinks I can run any future sessions on my own!
I am back into the full swing of singing. I am singing with my neighbour, as well as in her new Bach ensemble and some duos and trios with her students. Through Aleksandra, I also auditioned for the local Chamber Choir and dived straight in with my second week attending their annual study weekend. There are already a handful of performances coming up before the end of the year.
From a business perspective, I completed my barista training (it was so much fun, Adam and the crew at Lot Sixty One Coffee Roasters are a great bunch!). I now also have a clearer understanding of how I want to get started, even though I know the finished product will be a long time in the making, and take me far away from it's humble starting point. I've settled on a name (some of you may have had a sneak peak of this on my personal Facebook page the other day.
There will be a new website in the coming weeks as well as registering the business EEK! Which means I really need to finish my business plan.
You know what they say - "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone". Here's hoping for more positive pieces in future.